Shall We?
by DragonRose42
Summary: Set during the Marauders' seventh year. Sirius and Remus are both feeling anxious about their futures outside of school, and have a private chat about it. Sirius/Remus. All characters, settings, etc. owned by JK Rowling.


Remus sighed, shifting in his seat as he tried to get comfortable in the hard, wooden chair. Although he loved studying in the library, due to it being quiet and private, he had to admit that the armchairs in the common room were significantly more comfortable. Of course, that was part of the problem. The common room lent itself well to playing chess, relaxing by the fire, joking with friends, but not so much to the study of complex ancient runes.

Remus sighed again and pushed his reading glasses up his nose into their correct position. He peered down at the text he was supposed to be translating, then glanced over at his runes book. Even though he had been taking Ancient Runes for years now, and was good at it, it was never his favorite subject. For all that his friends thought of him as quiet and bookish (an idea that was only reinforced by said reading glasses, not to mention his tendency to wear professor-esque sweaters), Remus's favorite subject was Defense Against the Dark Arts. He loved the drama, the feeling of power. He loved to roll his sleeves up and get his hands dirty with some real, honest to goodness spell casting.

It was no good. Remus simply couldn't bring himself to focus on the translation before him. He looked around the library. While he had worked, it had grown dark around him, the candles on the walls and tables magically lit up. A few tables over, Severus sat with Sirius's brother, Regulus. They were deep in conversation, no school work or textbooks in sight. When Severus glanced up and caught sight of him staring, Remus nodded curtly and looked away quickly. He wasn't interested in starting something, particularly in the library, and even more particularly when he was outnumbered two to one. As he looked the other direction, towards the door, he spotted Sirius walking into the library. The older boy paused in the doorway, looking around like he was searching for something. Remus felt a warm buzz in his stomach, knowing that Sirius was looking for him. Remus closed his textbook, rolled up the ancient scroll, and shoved both into his bag. He stood up and headed towards Sirius, hoping that by heading him off, they could avoid a confrontation with Snape and the younger Black. Sirius was running a hand through his long hair when Remus stepped out from behind a bookcase and appeared at his side. Sirius jerked, having not noticed Remus until he was practically right on top of him.

"Oi! You scared me, Moony."

"Sorry," Remus said, rolling his eyes. "I didn't realize walking was so terrifying."

Sirius rolled his eyes back at Remus, running a hand through his hair again. The two boys had spent several years matched in height, but in the last year or so, Remus had shot up, leaving Sirius behind. The older boy had just about resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't be getting much taller. Sirius was compact, all muscle and energy, with longish black hair that he usually wore down and wild. His eyes shone brightly with laughter or anger, or both, most of the time. He almost always had his wand in his hand, even when he had no reason to.

Remus was lanky, almost as though his body was held together not by muscle and sinew, but by hopes and prayers. He was always cold, and usually had on at least an extra sweater or two. He wore long sleeves under his school robes, even in the warmer months, pulled down practically over his hands, so as to keep hidden the scars that ravaged his whole body. His hair was a light brown, shorter than Sirius's, but long enough to get in his eyes. He wore glasses when he read, but was forever pushing them up into his hair to get them out of his way when spellcasting, or chatting with his friends. Although he gave the impression of dreaminess, when one looked more closely, his eyes were sharp, crackling like a fire, ready to size up any situation and act accordingly. While Sirius hadn't grown an inch in at least a year, Remus often felt like he couldn't stop growing, shooting up so quickly that he had been forced, over Christmas break, to make a stop at Madam Malkin's for new robes, as his were showing several inches of leg at the bottom.

Now, the taller boy took off his glasses and polished them on his sweater, asking Sirius as he did so, "What are you doing here, anyway? Just fancied an evening walk?"

"Looking for you, of course," Sirius said as Remus put his glasses in their case and tucked the case into his book bag. "What are you doing here?"

"Studying," Remus said. "You may have heard of it? It's what us lesser mortals have to do in order to actually pass our classes."

Sirius grinned, his mouth wide, every tooth seeming to glint in the candlelight. Remus felt his stomach lurch slightly, and he forced himself not to look away or blush. "Fair enough. But the full moon is in two nights."

"I'm aware," Remus said. He felt the tingles of his crush fade away, replaced with the vaguely nauseated feeling he always got when thinking about the full moon.

"Well," Sirius said, taking a step back towards the library door, waiting for Remus to fall into step with him. "We need to plan."

Remus sighed, and fell into step as expected. "I suppose we do."

Sirius frowned slightly at the lack of enthusiasm in Remus's voice. He slung an arm around Remus's shoulders as they headed into the hallway. "C'mon, Moony. Lighten up! We'll have a grand time. The snow has all melted, the ice is gone, the woods are practically calling out for a werewolf and his buddies to come a calling."

"Keep your voice down," Remus warned, glancing over his shoulder. He couldn't see Severus and Regulus from where they were in the hallway, but that didn't mean they couldn't hear them.

Sirius rolled his eyes yet again, but his voice was quieter as he said, "Come on, Moony, what's got you down?"

"It's…nothing," Remus said unconvincingly. He shrugged off Sirius's arm as they started up the staircase that led to their common room.

Sirius looked over at Remus, who was walking in that slightly stooped way he had taken to, as though he was trying to tuck his lengthy form back into the amount of space it had taken up a year ago. Sirius could still feel his fingers tingling from where they had brushed Remus's neck as he had been unceremoniously shoved off him. Trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach that always seemed to be the third wheel with him and Remus these days, he shoved his hands into his pockets and said, "Remus. What's up?"

At the sound of his real name, rather than the nickname Sirius almost always employed, Remus paused at the top of the stairs, one hand on the bannister. He wasn't wearing robes, as it wasn't school hours, and as they stood there, he nervously tugged at his sweater, pulling the sleeves down over his knuckles. Sirius was standing a few feet ahead of him, staring, his face serious for once. Rarely did Padfoot look neither angry or amused, but at that moment he looked as focused as Remus had ever seen him. "It's nothing," Remus said again, and tried to walk on.

Sirius grabbed his arm as he went by. He looked around, then pulled Remus off the main corridor, into a hollow usually occupied by a suit of armor (which appeared to have wandered away). "C'mon, Lupin, you can tell me. You can talk to me about anything, you know that. What is it? Is it the moon?"

Remus sighed, feeling as wheezy as a leaky balloon. He leaned back against the stone archway, giving himself a bit of space. He did not, however, pulled his arm away from Sirius, who was still hanging onto his wrist. Remus looked at the floor. "Yes, it's the moon. It's always the moon. And it's Snape, and James, and my dad, and Ancient Runes, and just…everything."

Sirius let his hand slide down Remus's wool sleeve, until he was holding onto his hand. He too leaned back against the stone, so their arms were stretched out in front of them somewhat. "That's a long list. Can you be more specific?"

Remus shrugged, hanging onto his book bag strap with his free hand, his eyes focused on the flagstones on the floor. "Well, you know. It's just, it's our seventh year, Sirius. We have N.E.W.T.s, and everything. Ancient Runes is kicking my ass. And I know James and Snape have calmed down, but still, I can't keep myself from worrying at any moment it might just erupt. Severus has been walking around like a great oversized bat, looking like he's going to burn the whole school down at any moment. And the moon, the godforsaken moon, just has to be full this week, of course."

Sirius watched as Remus rambled. He was having a slightly difficult time focusing on what the other boy was saying, as at least half his mind was laser focused on the fact that Remus still hadn't pulled his hand away. As Remus stopped talking, and glanced at Sirius for just a second before glancing back down at the floor, Sirius spoke up. "Well, there isn't anything you can do about Snape. That git is going to do what he's going to do. There's no point in worrying about it. What happens will happen, and we'll deal with anything he throws our way. And James doesn't go trolling for fights anymore, you know that. He would much rather be snogging Lily than fighting Snivillus these days. And you, my friend, are going to be fine come test day. You'll probably be the first student in Hogwarts' history to earn full marks on every single test. No need to worry, mate."

Remus snorted at this last comment. He took a deep breath, and looked up at Sirius. "That's not all."

"What else?" Sirius asked. "Your dad? He'll be fine, Remus. I know it's hard, with your mum and everything. But he's tough. He'll carry on. You needn't feel responsible, mate. He'll get on without you at his side."

"No, it's not…" Remus shook his head as though trying to clear his mind. "Yes, I'm worried about dad, but like you said, he'll carry on. He has carried on. I didn't think he would survive my mum dying, and it's been nearly a year now. And he's doing okay. It's just…it's our last year, Sirius."

"Yes," Sirius said slowly, his eyebrows reaching towards each other over his nose. He had a face that showed every thought that crossed his mind, and his confusion now was almost palpable. "Which means no more studying?"

"Which means no more…us," Remus said, his eyes darting back down to the floor.

Sirius was quiet long enough that Remus chanced a look back up. When he did so, he saw that Sirius's jaw was tight, his eyes not on Remus, but staring out at the staircase and hallway. As Remus watched him, Sirius ran his free hand through his hair, tugging on the roots. Then he looked back at Remus, who was shocked to see that Sirius's eyes were bright with tears. "Padfoot?"

"I'm fine," Sirius said, a little harshly. He swallowed hard, and said again, more gently, "I'm fine. I just…I don't know what to say to that."

"I didn't mean to…" Remus trailed off, not sure why his words had had such an effect on Sirius. "What is it?"

"It's what you said," Sirius explained. For a second, Remus thought he was finally going to let go of his hand, but instead Sirius tightened his grip. "This is the end. It's what, April? End of? We have a few more months, weeks, really, and then that's it. We'll all go our separate ways. No more classes together, no more goofing off in detention. Who knows when we'll all see each other."

"Aren't you and James moving into a flat together?" Remus pointed out. He wasn't sure how he become the comforter, instead of the comforted, but he decided to just go with it. "You'll literally see him every day. And the place you've got picked out is barely ten minutes from Peter's. You'll all be able to see each other whenever you want."

"And you?" Sirius asked quickly, looking up at Remus. "Will we see you?"

"Of…of course," Remus said, but the answer stuck in his throat and came out a whisper.

Sirius barked out a quiet laugh. "Could you at least try to lie convincingly?"

"You'll see me," Remus insisted. "It just won't be as often as now, right? I mean…it won't be the same. No more full moon shenanigans."

"And what if I don't want those to end?" Sirius asked. He was staring at their joined hands intently, and the question was so quiet Remus was sure he had heard it wrong.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his heart rate quickening. He thought he had given up these particular fantasies long ago, around that time in fourth year that Sirius had gotten a week's detention for snogging Mary Caldwell in the middle of the great hall. Judging from the way he felt a blush creeping up his neck, he apparently hadn't squashed them quite as much as he had thought.

Sirius took a breath, as though stealing himself, then looked up, directly into Remus's eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Remus."

Remus swallowed, hard, his heart now pounding. "You won't," he said automatically.

"But that's what you're afraid of," Sirius said. "So it scares me too. You're scared that we'll leave Hogwarts and you won't be a part of our lives anymore. Mine, and James's, and Peter's. You're scared you're going to lose us because…because of what, Remus?"

"You know what," Remus said. He wanted to look down at the floor again, but something in Sirius's eyes kept his glued to them.

"Because you're a werewolf?" Sirius asked, and the spell was broken. Remus looked quickly around, sure that someone must have snuck up on them, overheard this comment. But they were still very much alone. Remus wondered wildly what time it was, and when they were going to get caught. He felt his eyes slide back to Sirius's.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Why should that suddenly matter?" Sirius sounded almost angry, and Remus felt his own blood start to boil. Sirius just didn't understand. Remus wrenched his hand away, both of his hands pushing through his hair like a madman.

"Because it does!" Remus burst out, then looked around again. He lowered his voice, but said just as intently, "Because it matters, Sirius. Out there, in the real world? It matters. I won't have a secret hideout anymore. I won't be having livable, hell even fun, transformations. My friends, my family will not be at my side for every one of them. And god, Sirius, I'm not even going to be able to find a job. You know how it is, what it's like for people like me. No one will hire me, no one is going to rent me a flat. I have no future, Sirius."

Remus was breathing hard, struggling to keep the self-pity and tears out of his voice. Neither of them was leaning back on the stones anymore. Remus finally chanced a glance at Sirius. Sirius was looking at him calmly, as though Remus's burst of anger had settled Sirius down.

Sirius nodded. "You're right."

"I'm…what?" Remus hadn't expected that. He had expected anger, drama, declarations of continued friendship and support. Since when did Sirius do anything calmly?

"You're right," Sirius repeated. "It won't be the same. It's going to be a lot harder. We won't always be together, all of us, all the time. You won't have this safe place. Dumbledore won't be around to look after us. And yes. People are prejudiced. And finding a place to work, to live, might be downright impossible."

"Thanks for cheering me up, mate," Remus said, a half sarcastic, half exhausted chuckle escaping his lips.

"But you're wrong about something," Sirius pushed on.

"What's that?"

"You have a future," Sirius said simply.

Remus shook his head. "I really don't, Padfoot. And look, this isn't a pity thing, or a feel sorry for me thing. It's really not. It's just a fact. What am I going to do with my life? What, exactly? How will I survive out there? I'm going to be alone, Sirius. And I can't…I can't face the world alone."

"Wrong again," Sirius said, and now Remus heard the tightening of his voice, the edge of anger. Sirius's eyes were as bright as ever.

"In what way?"

"You will never be alone," Sirius said.

"Everyone is alone," Remus said. "Everyone like me, at least."

"You don't have to be," Sirius insisted. "You never have to be alone, Remus."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, to argue, to insist, but it dried up as Sirius reached out and took his hand again. It was small gesture. He hadn't kissed him. Told him he loved him. Hell, he hadn't even hugged him. But it stopped Remus's argument cold. Sirius spoke again, quietly, staring at their joined hands.

"You're right about almost everything, Moony. Life isn't easy. For god's sake, there's a war brewing. Everyone's life is difficult, and yours more than most. But you never, not for one second, have to be alone. Not if you don't want to. Peter and James, and Lily. They love you. They have your back. They'll support you, no matter what."

"And…you?" Remus asked. He hadn't realized that he had taken a step forward until Sirius matched his step. They were inches apart now, Sirius still staring at their hands, Remus staring at Sirius.

Sirius grinned a half grin, his mouth twisting up on the side. "Remus John Lupin, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried. I'm here for the long haul, mate." Sirius looked up at him then, and Remus couldn't seem to remember how to breathe.

"What…" Remus took a breath and tried again. "What are you saying?"

Sirius didn't say anything at all. He just let his left hand drift up, cupping Remus's cheek. Remus thought Sirius's hands would be rough, but they were silky soft. Sirius's fingers found the back of Remus's neck and settled in there, getting tangled in his long, brown hair. The two Gryffindors gazed at each other for a long minute, waiting, reveling. Sirius had a half smile playing around his lips, and Remus's free hand was gripping his bag strap again. Then Sirius tugged, gently, ever so slightly, and brought Remus's lips down into his.

It was shorter than Remus's fantasies, and sweeter. Although he had always pictured Sirius kissing like he did everything, fiercely and dramatically, Sirius kissed more carefully, gently, than he did anything else. It was brief, and long, and tender, and a little desperate. They pulled apart quickly and stood, huddled together, staring into each other. Remus was still clinging to his bag.

Sirius wasn't smiling anymore. He was staring right into Remus's eyes, his expression steady, but with a hint of nerves. He waited for Remus to say something, anything. When the other boy didn't speak, Sirius took a half step back, staring to feeling something like embarrassment or shame well up inside him. "I…" he choked out before his throat caught. He was suddenly certain that he was going to cry, and he couldn't bear the thought of doing that in front of Remus. He dropped Remus's hand, and turned to scamper down the hallway, trying to remember if there was a bathroom nearby, but as he did so, he felt Remus grab his arm, insistently, but not aggressively. He focused on not falling apart as he stood there, not turning back, but not running away.

"Wait," Remus said, and his voice was soft, rough, barely sounding like himself at all.

"Why?" Sirius asked, so quietly Remus had to strain to hear him.

"I…" Remus trailed off, then, deciding words simply would not do, he turned Sirius back to him with a tug of the arm. This time it was Sirius's hands that wrapped tightly around the strap of Remus's bag. Remus had both his own hands on the sides of Sirius's head, and he was pulling him in tightly, as closely as he could manage. He had always thought that Sirius would be the one who kissed hungrily, but it was him, Remus, the werewolf, who kissed like a starving man. He pulled Sirius in as tight as he could, roughly, almost too much, then broke away, stepping back, gasping. The space between them crackled as they stared at each other.

"How…" Remus couldn't seem to remember how to finish sentences.

"How long have you wanted to do that?" Sirius asked, echoing Remus's thoughts exactly.

"How long have I known you?" Remus replied, speaking without thinking.

Neither of them was smiling. They were staring at each other. Sirius looked sad, Remus thought. Sad and confused. Not even remotely glad for all the kissing that was going on. Now it was Remus's turn to look around desperately for an escape route, thinking not that he was going to cry, but rather be sick. "I'm sorry," he muttered, forgetting that it was Sirius who had kissed him first.

"What?" Sirius said. "Why?"

"I'm just…I can't…" Remus looked like a caged animal now, glancing around everywhere except at Sirius. He looked a little wild, a little desperate, unable to stay completely still. Until, that is, Sirius reached back out and grabbed his wrist. Then his mind, his breath, and his body all stilled. He looked down at Sirius, who stepped closer to him again.

"I…" Sirius trailed off, getting lost in Remus's eyes for a moment. Then he shook his head, and tried again. "I haven't wanted to do that for quite as long as you, apparently. But Remus, I…I've been dreaming about kissing you for years."

Remus's eyes widened. It was this, more than the actual kissing itself, that shocked him. "You have?"

Sirius smiled, finally, softly, and nodded, letting his fingers slide down until they were intertwined with Remus's. "Do you remember in fifth year, the full moon when we got a little reckless, and got too close to the greenhouses?"

Remus cast his mind back, and remembered all too well. "When Professor Sprout was out? And saw you?"

"And nearly saw you," Sirius added. "When we got back to the shack, when you were you again, you were so angry. So sad. Not with us, but with yourself. And you were sitting there, and James had reasoned with you, and Peter had comforted you, and nothing was working. And I-"

"You put your arms around me," Remus said, and Sirius nodded.

"I wanted to kiss you," Sirius said. "I might have, too, if we were alone. I was young and fearless, then. I might have gone for it. But that moment made me realize how much I thought about you, and how much I needed you. And wanted you."

"You? Need me? I think you've got that one backwards, Padfoot," Remus said. Before Sirius could respond, Remus burying a hand in his long hair and pulled him in for kiss number three. This one was longer, languid, the kiss of two people who finally knew there would be more to come. Not hurried, not desperate, just…right.

It was disrupted, as so many things are, by James Potter.

"Oi!"

Sirius and Remus jumped apart. Remus cracked his head on the stone wall and cursed, seeing stars. Sirius turned guiltily towards the hallway and saw James and Peter standing there. James looked angry, his arms akimbo. Peter was half tucked behind James, his pale face pink, eyes wide.

"Oi yourself!" Sirius said as Remus rubbed his head, wincing.

"What do you think you're doing?" James demanded.

Sirius half glanced at Remus, who was determinedly staring at the floor. Sirius looked back at James, and half grinned. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're holding up your friends, whom you promised you'd get right back to," James snapped.

"Well, I suppose it is that," Sirius said, starting to laugh. "Sorry, mate. Just had a bit of kissing to get caught up on."

Remus blushed at this, and glared at Sirius, unable to entirely hide his own smile. Sirius grinned back at him, and reached out, grabbing hold of Remus's hand in his.

"Well, I'm glad the two of you have finally sorted that out," James said, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "Unless…is this always what you two are doing when you say you're studying?"

"No!" Remus said, looking at James. James looked unabashedly back at him. "We haven't been…this is the first…"

James turned his attention back to Sirius. "Care to translate?"

"We haven't been sneaking around, this was the first time we've kissed, and thanks ever so much for making it a supremely private and intimate moment," Sirius said to his best friend.

James nodded. "Alright then. As long as you two haven't been sneaking around. Because there's no reason to."

"There isn't?" Sirius asked, and although the grin stayed put, the question in his eyes betrayed his nerves. James's answer was deadly important to him.

"Of course not," James scoffed. "Pete and I have been waiting for this moment since last year. Bout time the two of you wised up. Now, I believe we have some planning to do? If you don't mind."

Remus looked at Sirius, who looked back him. Neither boy could stop smiling. "Shall we?" Sirius asked.

"After you," Remus said, and the four friends headed back to the common room. Sirius and Remus held hands the rest of the night.


End file.
